I am ...
 
 

 

Reading
I'm The One That I Want by Margaret Cho. I was so disappointed that I couldn't make the book fair at UCLA last weekend with my friend Tracey, so she thought to buy the book for me. I missed the one-woman show when I lived in New York, but Tracey and I went to see the film last fall in Santa Monica. If you want to know how much my friends rock, Tracey even had it autographed:

Erica
Good luck in New York!
-Margaret Cho

. . .

I'm also still reading Simple Indulgence: Easy, Everyday Things to Do for Me by Janet Eastman. I'm such a dork, I keep reading the quotes and ideas, but not doing the journalling portion.

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"..." "Someday we'll find it
the rainbow connection
the lovers, the dreamers and me
alllll of us under it's spell."

-Kermit THE Frog

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Listening
Stuck in my head:
"Boogie-oogie-oogie get down."

Thank you, Disco Stu! (My favorite Simpsons sight gag-cum-character.)

 


I heard Britney Spears' "Bottom of My Broken Heart" while making a selection from the feminine hygeine aisle at Wal Mart and exclaimed, "Fucking Britney Spears...Gah!"

That's one of the videos I had to watch about a million times to select snippets for the web site and the enhanced CD single. Ever hearing it again is too much, too soon.

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Watching
The Simpsons, The Sopranos & Armistead Maupin's Further Tales of the City. I didn't even realize there were making another one, I just happened to see it listed. I'm going to have to finish the book series now, as I think I've only read through the fourth book and this mini-series is based on the third book.
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Webbing

While you're visiting the Gallery of Regrettable Food, don't miss Meat!. This one in particular made me laugh until I couldn't breathe. "Sometimes meat likes to dress up and feel pretty." Swanson Parade of Lost Identity -- women who, in probably their only 15 minutes of fame, were for the most part known only as Mrs. HisLastName.

. . .

Co-Author of The Rules to divorce! So you can't manipulate a man into marrying and staying married to you? Perhaps you have to come into it as two individuals and show who you really are from the beginning? I guess this means that no amount of growing your hair long, pretending not to be smart or funny, and "training" a man will make for a happy marriage.

. . .

Ever wonder where that dollar bill's been? Mine was in Chicago two months ago.

. . .

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Dreamin' is free

Another Elvis dream (I'm doing the Memphis section of my color scrapbook now, but I haven't got to Graceland yet), this one cannibalistic.

What started out as an autopsy to discover THE TRUTH, turned into Elvis Stew. It was rich and beefy. Ewwwwwwwww!

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Thinking
Why is it that the same personality quirks are taken as crazy and stalky by some, while loveably wacky by others? Is there some litmus test for this, so I stop wasting my time?
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What's cookin? now I'm blogging what I'm eating, whoa.
Still literate as of 9/29/2000 12:20:01 AM
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This sucks! just what I needed...another dorkblog.
Jeepers, creepers, I last used my peepers on 9/29/2000 12:24:59 AM
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This rules! My trip photographs, they're better than expected. Now to get them all organized, it's only been a year!

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Saturday, August 26, 2000

5:40 PM
I am...not big on words at the moment. Finally picked up the seven rolls of film I dropped off last week. Turns out all but one is black and white (thus no CDs, grrrrr) and they are divided about evenly between New York and Washington, DC.

42nd Street entrance to the Grace building...buttresses are reminiscent of the base of the TransAmerica Pyramid

entrance to the Grace building


The Grace building, part of the HBO complex

Grace building, 42 & 6th


Grand Central Terminal...meant to be photographed in B&W and sepia-tones

Grand Central


My mannequin, one of the few things I regret leaving behind in New York. I found it in Chelsea on my lunch hour. There are always mannequins and their assorted body parts left out with the trash. I intended to paint her sky blue with fluffy clouds, glue products targeted at women to the appropriate part of her body or decoupage her with particularly misogynist "articles" and ads from women's magazines. I'm sorry I never got around to it.

mannequin


Vietnam Veteren's Memorial...Washington Monument in the background.

Vietnam Veterens memorial


Korean War Memorial...Lincoln Memorial back and to the right.

Korean


(would've been posted at 2:55 a.m.)


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5:42 PM
I am...seriously looking forward to doing my online and offline albums. Call me a romantic, but B&W makes everything look better. For the most part, the composition is far better than I expected, so I guess I did retain a thing or two from the photography class I took 15 years ago. (would've been posted at 3:39 a.m.)


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5:43 PM
I am...going through serious withdrawal. First of all, the email problem continues. I should've changed my MX record the minute it happened, even cynical me didn't think it would last this long.

Now either Blogger's down, or my ISP is. Sad to see how much I rely on technology, though I can certainly have my fun without it. (would've been posted at 4:28 a.m., but I couldn't connect to Blogger)


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6:47 PM
I am...about to enjoy some homemade manicotti for dinner. I hope you enjoy these pictures. (Jeez, that was cheesy.)

Here is Salem in his favorite seat. He doesn't usually choke me, but last night he added the new dimension of his foot pressed hard into my throat. Now I know what these people mean when they say they're "owned by a cat." It's all about Salem.

Salem's perch


I can't believe I've started going to the beauty shop again

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Friday, August 25, 2000

8:39 AM
I am...watching Rodney King on The View. They asked him how he felt about the police. "I don't trust the police." Noooooooo?!

I got so sick of people bringing up Rodney King's criminal record in regard to the beating. It is not the police's job to be judge, jury and executioner of punishment, but to retain a suspect. You don't see the officers trying to cuff him in that video -- kicking isn't required to get someone in handcuffs, period.

Of ourse, the people who brought up this specious argument at the time were always whiny, spoiled white males who'll never be stopped for a DWB (Driving While Black). If only more people who didn't know what they were talking about would shut the fuck up and listen for a change.


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3:55 PM
I am...so hot I thought I was going to have diarhea. Yes, it was pop-melting hot. Yummy imagery, no? I finally went to apply for classes today. I actually don't mind riding the bus at all. It's not nearly as crowded, slow or bumpy as New York or SF, but the walk from my house to the bus stop is absurd. It's only a minute by car, but it's about 20 minutes on foot. It would be just over half that, if I could fucking breathe. I don't know why people complain about humidity -- moist air I can breathe. This stuff dries me up and I feel like one of those horrid dolls with a dried apple for a head.

What was I thinking getting my hair done in this heat? It's why I shaved it off, as I recall. It would never stay straight with all the sweating and heat. Even breezes here are hot, as if someone stuck a blow dryer in your face. A few weeks ago my brother and I walked to a different bus stop that's half as far (a different route from the one I took today), but were so dehydrated upon arrival that we concluded this place isn't fit for humans.

Yet I'm getting an apartment here. At least now I know why it's so cheap. I actually called a few places today. So far, no luck, though one has a unit they're remodeling that will be ready at the end of September. It's right on a major street, bus out front and is roughly halfway between my mom's house and school.

Part of me would like to be nearer to school, I've always liked the area. It's very close to downtown, such as it is, and is itself a historic district. Moreover, the houses are tiny, cute and all different. One looks like a minature of a California mission, bell tower and all. Another is a dead ringer for Tara, while most are classic 1930s California bungalows of stucco and Spanish tile.

One positive development, unless it's just my melted mandula oblongata talking, is that now I'm convinced of the need to drive, if it's only to the train station and school. I just can't psyche myself up to do this everyday, though it cools off a bit in the fall, and can't imagine how I did it before. As I sit here nodding off, now I remember the first thing I did when I came home each afternoon was take a nap.


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4:02 PM
I am...a revisionist. I swapped the photos from my 4th birthday because it didn't have the ever-important cake in it. I always knew it was a big deal, but going through the albums reminds me just how much. I guess it's a good marker of the times, so I'm glad. One year it's Charlie Brown, then it's Mickey Mouse, while another it's Strawberry Shortcake.

Here it is, since I think the "I'm this many" thing is terribly precious.

I'm *this* many...August 28, 1975></center> 
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Thursday, August 24, 2000

12:21 AM
I am...so sick of seeing this:

BigMailBox bites

I could scream! If you haven't heard from me recently, you know why.


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12:28 AM
I am...sorry I didn't have an Evel Kneivel doll. I think that, as a kid, I thought Evel was related to Elvis


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3:53 AM
I am...done toodling around. Tomorrow it's back to actual content, I swear.


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9:11 AM
I am...so proud to see that Dora was selected as About.com's new journal of the day yesterday. The day before that, it was O Mani Padme Hum, which I've just discovered and added to my links section.


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9:36 AM
I am...yawning already, but I'm determined to run my errands today, dammit!

I can't wait to see the rest of my pictures. Some date back to December, and I just want them all to be developed. I took four rolls of B&W in DC and a couple in New York. Those are the ones I look forward to most. I hadn't shot any black and white film since I took photography in high school. I'm so glad something got me onto a thing about taking B&W pictures on this trip. Those rolls end up being my favorite. I bet the New York B&Ws will turn out amazing.

All of that reminds me, I just have to get to the school today, too, even if it means napping on the bus (still not adapted to a morning schedule). I want to take photography this fall, so I'll have access to a darkroom again. I'd like to make contact sheets for all the trip photos and enlarge some favorites. Lately, I've entertained the notion of turning a spare bathroom into a darkroom. I guess that's from seeing Deep End of the Ocean. But then I remembered, I'm not Michelle Pfieffer. Darn.

I haven't tried to shoot with my dad's camera (an SLR, mine's a point and shoot) yet. I was never good at focussing before, my classmates and parents made fun of me for it all the time and I gave up on ever being a photojournalist. Thus the writing took all the attention. I hope I can overcome that this time, because it's something I really enjoy. James paid me the best compliment when I showed him the pictures from my trip. He said I had a good eye.

I'm also very much looking forward to getting that jar of Nutella. Manna from heaven is nothing without it.


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3:23 PM
I am...completely weirded out everytime I see that rapping Pringle's can. WTF is up with that? That little turn of the century head shouldn't be bopping all around and rappin' -- it should be stationary, dammit! Why does everything have to get hip? Back in my day, it was enough to know a finicky, freckled kid liked a cereal. Just because it was the '70s, we didn't need for Mikey to be a punk rocker or disco casanova, we bought that cereal and we liked it!

OK, so actually I ate Count Chocula, but that's not the point.


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3:38 PM
I am...getting my mail in fits and spurts. It seems I'm finally able to check all of my accounts and old mail is trickling in. I received my Three Way Action registration today, but haven't receive emails I sent to my notify list or a new web ring submission. I've bcc'd my seldom-used AOL account on the journal's email link, just in case.


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10:23 PM
I am...a little confused as to why my mom had two sets of photos, several pages apart, marked as August 28, 1980. Most likely, the flower picture (taken at my grandma's the infamous summer of no picture with the cake) was on or near my actual birthday. My parents sent me the flowers and there was a joint party with the five year old next door. We had a clown, though I remember thinking I was far too old for that at the time.
The teacup picture from Disneyland was probably in early September, when I returned to California. My mom wrote in my album that "you both liked the tea cups." Actually, it was all Gloria and I could do not to barf before it ended. I love roller coasters and have never had a problem with one, but I still avoid the tea cups and any sort of spinning ride.


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10:42 PM
I am...so grateful to my reader Sandra, from whom I received The Best of Loretta Lynn today. I thought it was way too small for the writing books I ordered from Amazon the other day. I completely forgot I'd ordered a CD. I can't wait to listen to it tomorrow as I write. Maybe I'll even go to bed at a decent hour and listen to it with my headphones.

By the way, I apologize if I wasn't supposed to open it, but I'm not sorry! I think it's the first time I received birthday greetings in Spanish, too. Hooray!


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Wednesday, August 23, 2000

12:01 AM
I am...irritated as hell at BigMailbox...my mail has been inaccessible for at least the last two hours. I want to post on Three Way Action, Stee/Beth/Sara's new site. But I can't get my password, because UBB emails a generated one to you, rather than allowing users to create one. Hey, I already said I was petty. I want my email and I want it now!


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12:06 AM
I am...happy to report that I received approval to use my pictures from Graceland as long as a) I took them myself, b) the use is non-commercial and non-promotional. Coolio...I've only got 10 more rolls to develop from my trip (well, plus the 7 I need to pick up from Wal*Mart when I drop off the last 10), so I need to get to optimizing them and scanning the first 15 rolls that I had developed before I realized pictures on CD were a good idea.


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2:37 AM
I am...so leaving BigMailbox. They are going to let me keep my hundreds and hudnreds of messages on their servers, too. Between all their hare-brained ad schemes that are yanked within days because they get so many complaints, the lack of control over accounts and the downtime, I've had it. Not only are they often down unexpectedly, but they are always down an extra hour or two or three whenever there is scheduled system maintenance. I've got to get back on the pop mail bandwagon.


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3:48 AM
I am...giving up on checking my email, after almost six hours.

Confidential to Dorothy...please send me your address and driving directions, I forgot since I originally planned to take the bus.


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2:45 PM
I am...available for proofreading (as well as writing and other editorial services). As one company I sometimes proof for puts it, "someone will notice...let it be us."

poor AOL grammar

Rather than "Tammy Faye: What She Up To Now?" -- try "Tammy Faye: What is She Up To Now?" or even the less formal: "Tammy Faye: What's She Up To Now?"

Honestly! No, this weblog/journal isn't free of typos and other mistakes -- but I'm a one-woman enterprise, not the number one ISP and content provider. There's no second set of eyes here.


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3:08 PM
I am...always taken by surprise by things my brother says. Though he's forbidden from the den when I'm on the computer, he comes in often for hugs. He looked at me sweetly and stroked my face, which made me laugh hysterically for some reason. At this, he marvelled, "You've got a lot of teeth!"


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7:31 PM
I am...sick and tired of Bigmailbox being down. I didn't receive any new mail, though I know I should've at least received some subscriptions and the mail for my ThreeWayAction.com registration. Even if last night was scheduled system maintenance I just didn't know about, it lasted over six hours and obviously didn't work, since the system is down again.


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7:37 PM
I am...surprised Survivor Sucks hasn't posted the spoiler yet. If only I'd watched the East Coast feed, I would've known by now. There's still half an hour left to the show and, coincidentally, that's exactly when Blogger goes down for an upgrade.

My vote's against Rich...what a pompous ass. To that, Sue added "arrogant...your inability to admit your failures without going into a whiny excuse makes you a loser." This shit is vicious. I love it!

When Sue said "I'm not an openly nice person," my mom and I both exclaimed sarcastically, "NO!" She gets all kind of vindictive against Kelly. Youch!


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7:45 PM
I am...sorry to say that, according to the message boards, Rich wins. Ugh.
...
More birthday photos to come.


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7:49 PM
I am...incredulous that I'm wasting bandwidth on Survivor.


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7:53 PM
I am...terribly amused to see Greg take a moment to sniff the marker before voting.


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11:27 PM
I am...such a ham...more birthday photos:

[all birthday photos were moved to the sidebar as a) it's more of a sidebar item and b) this side was stretching into infinity, while the sidebar ended after only a few screens...it seemed the best use of space.]


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11:35 PM
I am...not old enough to be this nostalgic. There's been a great thread on Pamie's forum about dirty things we did with toys when we were kids. Mostly, it's Barbie sex stuff, but a couple of people brought up Tuesday Taylor. Now there's a name I hadn't heard for a really long time. Tuesday Taylor was a Barbie competitor that went the way of the dodo bird.

These pictures are actually from Christmas 1976; I decided to scan them in while I had the albums out for Birthday Week. Groovy features of her penthouse include: the hanging fireplace, all-too realistic modern art and switchable night & day cityscape. The following year, when I was in first grade, my best friend Alicia, who lived next door, actually tried to steal the tiny water pitcher, cups and framed photo of Tuesday's boyfriend (the few items that were not molded to the floor, note the bed, chair, sofa and TV). My dad noticed the lumps in the pocket of her shorts, catching her red-handed. That's almost as bad as the time she stole Susan B. Anthony dollars from her sisters to use in my gumball machine. My father had to take it apart to get their money back. The silly part was that the machine took pennies, which I usually kept on hand.

Tuesday Taylor: brunette by day...

Tuesday Taylor...

Blonde by night

Tuesday Taylor...

Did Courtney Love get her fashion sense from Tuesday Taylor? A good guess, because Tuesday was the height of mid-70s fashion, you know. Did you know Tuesday Taylor (because I can't just say "Tuesday" alone) had a boyfriend named Suntan Eric?


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Tuesday, August 22, 2000

2:20 AM
I am...all about the new birthday week designs for this journal, I'mErica Online and Erica Jackson. But don't mistake it for style over substance.


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2:26 AM
I am...so ignorant about cats. My brother noticed in a cat book the other day that some of the things Salem is doing means he is courting. He sprawls out in the middle of the floor all the time, his paws folded up like a dog begging but on his back instead of his hind legs. Guess it's time to have him snipped...the cat, not my brother.

This afternoon he was really into me and wouldn't leave my side. I always thought he was very aloof, but I guess it just took time for him to warm to me. He kept laying and scratching himself on the book I was reading, Harry Potter 4. My brother thinks we're in a race now that I'm reading it, so he's read or claims to have read 100 pages in just a couple of days since I started. He's so competitive.

Salem digs Harry Potter

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2:35 AM
I am...absurdly tired. I think I took three naps today. I didn't realize the getting up at 6:30 with my brother was a regular thing, so I've really got to get on a morning schedule or at least a day one that allows me to be up until 7:30. I guess the former is better, as I have a lot of errands that I've put off for months that can only be done during the day.

I need to drop off my application for school and make an appointment with a counselor to see about getting into a multimedia or graphics certificate program. That way I can extend my unemployment until I finish the certificate, without having to job hunt. Otherwise, I would only be able to take courses at night in order to be considered "actively seeking employment" and thus eligible for unemployment. I'm such a procrastinator. I've been here since April and now school starts in two weeks and I haven't even dropped off my registration, let alone been able to register. It'll be petitioning to add courses with all the other desperate people for me this semester.
...
I also need to study and take the test to get my learner's permit. It may be a while before I start driving, but the sooner the better. I can't get around here as well as I like, especially in the ridiculous 100+ heat otherwise.
...
I need to pick up 7 rolls of film, drop off the two that didn't have CDs made for no reason the last time and drop off the final 10 rolls of film from my last months in NY and the first week of my trip -- Washington, DC. Then I've got to get going on the online scrapbook at last. I did quite a bit of Memphis, everything but Graceland, I believe, because I cannot use those pictures without Lisa Marie's permission. That sucks.
...
Of course, my final errand is just plain silly. I want to go to Trader Joe's to pick up some Pound Plus bars, another jar of Nutella and hummus, if they have it this time.


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4:52 AM
I am...completely flabberghasted. I am... was new journal of the day on About.com on Sunday and I had no idea. I thought such columns notified you when you were included. Pleasant surprise to say the least. Nice little blurb, too:

I Am
Erica's an original. Believe that the author of the "infamous" Menstrual Diary will not pull her punches. Her journal's lively and fun, as well as observant and truthful.

You could've knocked me over with a feather. I thought the About.com reference in my stats was just a search result. This one won't go to Stinky Linky.


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5:42 AM
I am...having the funkiest dreams about my mother. I'm afraid to analyze them very deeply, after a recent discussion on the bitchboard about dreams. Who knows what your subconcious is going to throw out there?

Anyway, in one, my mother read my journal (not clear if it's online or off), as she's actually done in the past. Actually, it was my letters that she read -- some to friends from junior high after I moved away and several I wrote to Dramarama that revealed far too many family secrets for her and Dad's liking. I'm shocked, in retrospect, that I didn't get a hellacious beating for that incident. I didn't dare keep a paper journal until I had my own place in SF in '95 for that very reason.

But I digress...in the dream, she told me something to the effect that my journal was "really boring, except for all the lies." She wasn't angry, though, she was bemused, smug, superior -- like she was delighted to know I wasn't such a great writer after all.

In the more recent dream, someone who I can't remember seeing in the dream said something about "motion lotion," an expression I haven't heard since junior high ("Vaseline...Intensive Care...let the fee-ee-eeling begin"). Suddenly, my mom gets all grinny and bawdy and says something like "oh, you thought you invented that? I love it...lovelovelove it!" I was only all-too happy to wake up to the realization I hadn't just had a conversation about masturbation with my mom. Oh, the imagery and Freudian implications!


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5:47 AM
I am...standing by my birthday wish to be the filling in a John Corbett/Sela Ward sandwich. I don't have many celebrity crushes, but I'm a sucker for a voice that's at once smooth, gravelly and vaguely southern, especially when it comes out of great lips on a face whose eyes let you know they've got a little secret.

I need to stop, I'm getting myself all in a lather.


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6:12 AM
I am...aware of a rumor that got started about my former boss at my last job. I wonder, but am too afraid of the answer, if it got back to him and if he assumes I started it. It sounds like something someone in my position would've started (background is in Diary of a MAD Woman, particularly January-March of this year), but I didn't. Now I'm afraid this bridge has burned and, for once, it wasn't even my own foot in mouth.

I'd like to clear this up, but I'm terrible at confrontation and afraid this is yet another situation in which I've been written off. John always tells me that our gifts (sensitivity, in particular) are both a "blessing and a curse" and I find this out over and over again. My writing has brought me some of the most incredible experiences and opportunities I would not have had otherwise. Conversely, it can drive away people who can't handle all the words I have.

In this case, I didn't make the derrogatory remark about my old boss that at least two other people have reported back to me, but how's he going to believe that? I was miserable at that job, working increasing hours with decreasing credit and encouragement. I damn near lost my mind. I haven't worked in five months and am in no hurry to start again. Nevertheless, I realize a lot of the problem was growing pains. In the end, my boss acknowledged how organized I was, how much I did, how talented I am and said, "What are we going to do without you?"

At that point, I felt vindicated and all was forgiven on both sides. I'm easy like Sunday morning. You can tell me I haven't done shit for six months (more than one person at that company told me this), but when you finally see how much I've done and have the balls to admit you misjudged me, the slate in my head is wiped clean. I'm just sorry if this unfortunate rumor, having come after what I considered a picture-perfect resolution, jeopardizes future relations with someone for whom I have the utmost respect.


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8:34 PM
I am...not able to watch Sex and the City in the same room as my mom. I either watch it in the den at the same time or, if she tapes it, I watch the tape on Sunday night after she's gone to bed and then put it back in her VCR. What am I, 14?


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10:46 PM
I am...sappily sentimental. Here are pictures of me on past birthdays. The first one was actually taken on September 2, 1972, the day I was brought home from the hospital (I had to stay a few extra days because I was a preemie and had jaundice) and is among the first pictures taken of me. For that matter, I'm dating all the pictures with my birthday, but most are probably from the nearest weekend.

[photos from ages 5 days, 1 year, 2 years and 3 years moved to the "Birthdays Past" sidebar]


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Monday, August 21, 2000

8:43 AM
I am...exhausted. I can't get into a regular sleep pattern. Actually, I like my sleep pattern, but it causes conflict with my mother. Why is it that people assume you're lazy because you're a night person? I sleep about 5 hours most days, maybe 6. So when people who sleep 7, 8, 9 and take naps act all superior, I'm not going to feel bad.

It would help tremendously if my mother would tell me sooner than the night before that she needs me to get up at 6:30. Frankly, I'm much happier staying up all night and going to bed at 6:30, but then the nagging starts about what a lazy piece of shit I am. Real nice.

I am...so out of here.


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8:52 AM
I am...as I've mentioned many times before, very forgetful. Here's a picture of me with my new hair. I've only straightened it once before in the 6 years since I cut it all off. That was for my dad's funeral last year. It turned green and I had to dye it four more times before it finally turned black, like a patent-leather shoe.

new hair

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4:03 PM
I am...a redesigning fool. This minor change is just the beginning. Get ready for Birthday Week!


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Sunday, August 20, 2000

2:15 AM
I am...never filling out a response card for a product again. I'm watching the Discovery Channel and they are running a show about prison today. I knew prisons contracted out labor for telemarketing and thought I was safe, since I don't cooperate with telemarketers. Instead, I find out they enter data from product registrations, court cases, taxes and take airline reservations.

In response to a woman who was raped by a prisoner who came to her house after his release, one direct mail company said she had voluntarily given out the information. Yeah, to G.E. or whatever, not to a fucking convicted rapist. I hope she sues their fucking pants off.


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3:44 AM
I am...curious about getting a high colonic, but how embarrassing would that be? I've had gynocologists make weird remarks about the overall appearance and state of my vagina, I can't imagine what someone would say about my anus.

According to the brochure from the spa from which I bought Dorothy a spa package for her bridal shower (we're going together next weekend), it's supposed to help digestion and overall well-being by cleaning out food that hasn't been expelled. If there's anything grosser than shit, it's got to be 5, 10, 15, 20 year old shit. What a shitty (pardon the pun) job that must be, worse even than Margaret Cho's "I'm Gwen and I'm here to clean your vagina!" bit.


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4:19 AM
I am...totally sucked into this Real World marathon. I try to dismiss it as just nostalgia for my week in New Orleans, but they never show nearly enough of the city for me to fall for my own lies. It's the drama I love, baby!

Some sick part of my brain is waiting for Melissa to crack completely. There's always one. I love how every year they pick a Virgin, an Angry Black Man, a Princess, a Prep, The Gay Guy the Girls Love (has there ever been a lesbian?) -- it's a bad ark film.

The fun part is, I recognize several of the strip clubs they've gone to. Not just on the outside.


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